Most, if not all, marriages will encounter the occasional rough patch over the years—but when does a rough patch turn into an entirely unhappy or loveless marriage? It can be scary to consider the possibility that your marriage is over or to even recognize the signs in the first place, but it is possible to come back to each other, if that’s what you both want.

If you think that sexual infidelity is the leading cause of divorce, you’ve got it all wrong. We polled over 50 people to see what they say are the top reasons married couples decide to split, and — believe it or not — communication problems came out on top as the number one reason marriages fail

While there are many reasons that marriages fail, the presence of these characteristics, lack of intimacy and honestly, devaluing our relationships, and using power and control, are often destructive to our marriages.

The most commonly reported major contributors to divorce were lack of commitment, infidelity, and conflict/arguing. The most common “final straw” reasons were infidelity, domestic violence, and substance use.

The answer often lies in boredom and opportunity. If a man is bored in his marriage or believes something is lacking sexually or emotionally, he may start looking for reasons to leave a relationship for someone new. Sometimes men run away when they fall in love, looking to rekindle the spark of singleness.

Some signs of a bad failure of your relationship:

There’s constant criticism.

Your relationship has become sexless.

You struggle to spend time together.

You stop sharing wins with each other.

You avoid each other, as much as you can. 

You daydream about leaving.

There’s an anxious versus avoidant attachment dynamic.


You feel more yourself when separate.

You stop arguing.

You’re in denial about negative patterns.

There’s no understanding or compassion.

Body language changes.

 It feels physically wrong being together.

 You feel contempt toward each other.

You stonewall each other.